Mine, all mine

Chilean miners? Aren'tcha sick of 'em? I mean, I'm glad that they're being winched out of their tomb, but I'm even more glad there are only 33 of them and not a hundred and thirty-three. As it is, virtually every news channel seems to have had its cameras pointed at that dusty hole, whilst the reporters have been desperately trying to fill air-time with potted biographies of the men and the family. At times, it felt a little like one of those awful game shows, Chile's Got Talent, or similar.

"Yes, here we are at the dusty hole in some god-forsaken spot in Chile. The next miner up, we hear, will be Pedro Amigo who has been a miner for seven years. He is one of thirteen children - unlucky for some, eh Pedro - and his hobbies are football and tennis. At least, those were his hobbies. Of late, his hobbies have been, eye-spy (something beginning with R - ROCK! Darn! Your go...) and sleeping..."

Sky News even had some idiot psychologist sitting in the studio, talking us through the miners' first moments as they arrived back on the surface:

"Well yes, he'll be feeling delighted right now [as the miner punches the air, whoops and salutes the crowd] whereas this man [cut to a miner kneeling and praying] is just thankful to God for being alive. This man, on the other hand, is a little emotional because he's been buried in a hole in the ground for over two months [cut to miner weeping]."

Well thank you, Mr Miner-Psychologist, for those deep and telling insights. You know, despite all the coverage of these poor chaps; the personal stories, the little details about how they're coping with being banged up with each other for weeks on end, not one news channel has, as far as I know, told us what we really want to know, the answer to that six million dollar question: where have the miners been taking a dump? I mean, of course they HAVE to go somewhere, and yet nobody has covered that angle - and after two months and thirty three bottoms, that will be quite some angle.

I guess we'll just have to wait for the Hollywood film to find out the answers to that one: Tom Cruise as the leading miner and Bruce Willis as the man in charge of the rescue team. You know, I could really see Tom Cruise doing that leaping about bit when he reaches the surface. Well anyway, let's hope there will be a film, and a book deal and endorsements of Homebase special Chilean gravel "because there's nothing miner about DIY", after all, these guys need a break.