Britain's got nutters

I've just returned to England after seven years in India - and it feels great! I enjoyed India, worked with brilliant people and made some fantastic friends, but now the country is pretty much a closed chapter for me and I'm looking forward to the next episode in calmer, cleaner and more organised surroundings. I still have a few things left to say about India though, and in due course, I'll post again on India-aaagh.

But in the same way that the India blogs were my responses to the quirkiness, the injustices, the absurdity, the fun and the frustrations of India, England, this England will tread a similar path in Albion. And what better place to start than with Laika, the guitar-playing dog.

I was in town today with my five year-old daughter and as we approached a busker on a bridge, I pulled out a few coins from my pocket and told Niharika to go and drop them in the woman's empty guitar case.

"Have you come to see Laika the famous guitar playing dog from Britain's Got Talent?" the busker asked.

Actually, I hadn't even see the dog, but when I looked a little closer, there it was, sprawled out next to the railings and wearing a comedy bonnet. The woman called to Laika.

"Come along Laika, come and play the guitar." Judging by the amount of grey around its muzzle Laika should probably have been in a canine retirement home rather than still treading the boards, and yet it managed to drag itself up and stagger over to where the three of us were standing. The woman produced a tiny pink guitar from somewhere, held it out to the dog and pleaded, "Laika, play guitar; Laika, play guitar." The dog just looked at her.

"Laika, play guitar; Laika, play guitar." Again the same blank look from the senile dog-guitarist. "My dog can do that" I said. "Maybe you should try a violin?"

By now a crowd of one had gathered, and the woman continued with her pleading. I bent down to the dog. "Come on Laika," I said, "play the guitar for us please." And finally Laika lifted her paw up and touched the guitar. Classic melody it was not, but I suppose it was just about worth the 22 pence that Niharika had tipped into the woman's guitar case.

"Go to You Tube - Britain's Got Talent - Laika the guitar-playing dog" the woman shouted as we were departing. And so here's the link: Britain's got nutters - not to a mention a dog that seemed to perform even worse under camera lights than it did on an Essex bridge at lunchtime today. I look forward to more of the same.